Expecting A Miracle, Part 4

• Have you always wanted to be a parent?

I've always loved kids, especially babies. But did I always want my own? Actually, I'm really not sure how to answer that. I think I always appreciated the idea, but there was a large part of me that doubted I would ever slow down long enough to start my own family. Regardless, knowing that this little boy is on the way overwhelms me with joy. I know I was meant to be his mama.

• How would you describe the ideal parent you hope to become?

I want to be the parent that my son trusts, and the best way for him to trust me is for him to feel safe when he is around me. I am a strict babysitter, and I plan on continuing this practice with my own children. My biggest challenge will be learning when to take a step back and let my kids learn on their own, but that's why I have Sam to offer up what is missing in my own parenting philosophy and practice. Together we will figure it out.

• Which parenting mistakes did your parents make that you swear not to repeat?

I often feel like when my family called a 'family meeting,' all it did was shake everything up like a snow globe. I definitely want to make sure that emotional issues and other happenings get resolved when trouble stirs up. Talking about emotions and developing better emotional intelligence is probably one of the best ways I can improve on my parent's tactics. Other than that, I plan on repeating many teachings because I do think that I turned out okay.

• Your fur-babies – (animals that were treated like babies before having a ‘real one’) – how will they welcome the new baby?

I've been doing my best to get Princess used to the idea of baby stuff. Every time someone gives us a box of baby stuff, we wash it and let her smell it. She's such a sweet dog, I'm mostly convinced that she will investigate the baby by smelling him thoroughly, and then she will snuggle up next to him like a stuffed animal. We frequently talk about our arrangements for her while we are actually at the hospital, and we really just are not that worried. 

Expecting A Miracle, Part 3

• What is the first item you bought for your baby? 

The first item I bought for my son was a onesie. I was down at BYU for Women's Conference with my mother-in-law and her sisters, and kind of got caught up in the campus bookstore. Sam is an avid cougar football fan, so when I saw the bright blue 'special delivery' onesie, I knew I had to get it. It wasn't until the next day when I realized that there were two color options (light pink and bright blue). At this point I still thought I was having a girl, so it was probably a good thing that I didn't see the pink one. Honestly, it was BYU blue and I knew Sam would appreciate the gesture. Since then I bought other really cute onesies, but we've been given so many second-hand clothes that he is set for clothes up until he outgrows 12 month outfits.

• Why did you find out/not find out the gender of your baby? 

There was no way on this green earth that either of us could wait to find out the gender of our baby. I've said before that I thought it was a girl, but boy oh boy, a boy! I had to prick my finger and draw my own blood sample and mail off the specimen to get the info, but boy was it worth the mess in the kitchen and the bruised fingers that took a week to heal.

• How did you feel during the first ultrasound?

Sam had to work and couldn't come with me to the first ultrasound, so Victoria came with me. I was anxious beyond reason because I was still worried about possibly miscarrying. But then the screen lit up and there he was, spinning around like there was no tomorrow. It was so neat to see him move even thought I wouldn't feel any movements for another few weeks. I knew the gender going into that appointment, and in many ways it was better for me, because I wasn't speculating what I was having.

I love shopping for my son. I can't wait to see what his personality and style is like so we can shop together. I never realized just how much more fun I have shopping for boy clothes in stead of girl clothes. Then again, I'm not very feminine so I guess it makes sense.

Seeing You Meant Everything

Dear Charlie,

This week was an interesting one. Some of my events included a family math night, a school-hosted breakfast with superintendent, a SLEOPA board meeting, birthing class, and driving your father to the airport to go to Arizona for your cousin PJ's baby blessing.

But how the week started was with Daddy and I having a 3D ultrasound. Ever since our July 18 anniversary, we've been having a surprise date night on the 18th of every month. This will continue until your birth (I already have our date planned and adaptable to the hospital just in case you decide to prolong your inevitable birthing debut).

Anyway, these dates range from simple and sweet to generous and grand. This ultrasound was the grandest of my date plans, and a bit pricy. Regardless, it was the best surprise for daddy when I told him where we were going.

We learned a few things about you from this particular session.

First up, you have hair. This one threw me off because I didn't know that you could see this on a ultrasound, but we are still debating as to whose hair you will actually have. My vote is for blonde curly hair like mine. Sam thinks it will be blonde and straight. However, if you have dark curly hair then I will be thrilled because it means you will have inherited the 'jew-fro' from my side.

Next, you have my feet. I know it seems weird, but knowing you have my feet makes me smile. I got my big feet from my Bubby, so knowing that you have my feet means that you got something from her as well. My saddest realization during my pregnancy was that you will never have your own memories of Bubby. She was such an driving force in this world; knowing that you have some of her helps me feel like she will always be a part of you.

You are stubborn and defiant to authority. Your feet and legs were blocking your face, and then when the tech maneuvered around them the cord was right next to your right eye and distorting the image. I will admit I tried to bribe you to see if it would work, but alas it didn't (although I think you are trying to prove to me that you cannot be bought). 

I can already see both parents in your face. You have my lips/mouth, but you have your father's Barlow jaw. It's amazing to see the definition in your angelic features, and to see the tiny familiarities in the face that I have yet to actually see outside of the womb.

But seriously, watching the screen for that hour did something to me. It felt like my heart was completed for a minute. To know that you picked me to be your mother, and us to be your family, was overwhelming. I hope I can be the kind of mom you need and deserve, but rest assure that you will be born into a family full of love who cannot wait to meet you.

Seeing you meant everything, and meeting you in December will mean even more. Mama loves you!

Expecting a Miracle, Part 2

Five things you are most frightened about.

• Where will I be when I go into labor?

Sam and I are trying not to think about this one too much. Mostly because we will just worry about something that we have little control over. All we keep focusing on is that we will be ready no mater when it happens.

• Will my delivery have any complications?

Again, this one scares me because there are so many unknowns.

• Is my blood glucose normal?

I just did my glucose test last week, and I know I won't stop thinking about it until I get my results. I'm sure everything is fine, but you never know. The drink wasn't so bad, I just hate getting my blood drawn. Plus I had to get a shot. I wasn't too pleased at the end of my appointment.

• My water breaking

Will is break on its own or will the doctor have to do it runs through my mind frequently. Also the location when it finally happens. Ultimately, will I be somewhere that I have to clean it up? Yeah, this one I should let go of.

• Not being able to lose the baby weight

Five things you are most delighted about.

• Seeing the details of his face

We had a 3D ultrasound this week for surprise date night (another post on that coming soon), and were able to see that Charlie has my lips and Sam's jaw (which is awesome because I do not have a defined jawline). His face is already so beautiful, yet there is still so much we haven't seen yet.

• Finding out if he looks more like me or Sam

So far I'm going to say he is a mutt (meaning he looks like both of us), but we are still waiting to see whose hair and eye color he ends up with.

• Watching his personality unfold

He was super active all day yesterday, so I wonder if he picked up on my excitement for two really important school events. Either that or he is already a math genius and couldn't wait to attend the school family math night.

• What interests will he have?

Sam concluded that Charlie has my fingers, which means they are too stumpy to play piano. But it would;t surprise me if this kid was artsy and athletic. 

• Holding him for the first time.

This one I still have to wait another 12 weeks for, but it will be worth it!!!

Expecting A Miracle, Part 1

Welcome to the first of several pregnancy-related posts. I found an interesting pin on Pinterest to help me better document my pregnancy, mostly because my actual journal is hit or miss most weeks. Regardless, there are about 55 little topics on this list and I plan on addressing each of them. I will be combining a few topics into the same post (like this one), but I am actually very much looking forward to this writing journey.

• The day you first find out you are pregnant.

I suspected I was pregnant early on. Although after a few days I started to wonder if it was all in my head. I took a test the day after my missed period at 3:30 in the morning because I woke up in the the middle of the night and was too excited to go back to sleep. I was ecstatic when I saw the two pink lines on my dollar store brand test. Waiting until sun up felt like forever, but I was over the moon. For years I had theorized what that one moment might feel like; it was nothing like, yet everything I could have ever imagined.

• The way you broke the news.

I jumped on the bed until Sam woke up, which took about ten seconds. At 6am I called my parents and texted Victoria and Alexa because I couldn't keep this to myself. We told Sam's parents the next day when we were Face timing. It felt so surreal to keep texting the word 'pregnant.'

• The way you felt when you realized you were going to have a baby.

Excited is definitely the best word to use for this question. I love babies, just ask anyone who has known me since I was a kid. As a babysitter, I'm a self-proclaimed baby whisperer. I'm good with kids. That's just a fact. The idea of having a child of my own, one that had half my DNA, one that could potentially look just like me, was such an exciting concept.

• How did other people react?

My in-laws were over the moon. My parents were a bit blasé. My brothers didn't care. The Facebook community reacted positively when we finally posted about it when my 1st trimester was over. People are very excited for us.

• The first three months – the best kept secret – or was it?

It wasn't a secret. There was no way Sam or I could've kept it to ourselves. We went to our monthly family dinner under the agreement that we wouldn't say anything unless we were asked outright. Unfortunately for me, nausea would hit me if I didn't eat on time, and an ill-timed comment about easter eggs gave me away. One of the cousins jokingly asked if I was pregnant. Shoot. "Yeah." So much for trying to keep it a secret.

• Who’s your daddy?

My sweet husband Sam is the father of my child, and I would't want it any other way. I can't think of a more amazing person to help raise my son, or a better example for my son to learn by. He is going to be such a great dad; I know this because he is already an outstanding dad to our fur-baby.