Growing Pains

Disclaimer: this is a long one!

Earlier in the year, I had commented on my minimal online presence. I attributed my lack of interest in blogging to the fact that I experienced a bit of a mental breakdown. After that, I just got caught up in living my life, which I know you as my readers can relate to me but I know some of you still keep up with my adventures. Forgive me, I had delusions of grandeur surrounding possibly starting a video blog. While I filmed and edited my first episode with fantastic enthusiasm, I realized that perhaps this particular dream would be better suited for a personal project rather than part of my online presence.

And we're back!

Previously on my life, we left off on the last week of the school year. I had just accepted a new job and was finishing out my contract as a school secretary (whilst training my replacement). Sam and I were counting down the days to our European adventure, and we spent a lot of time talking about home improvements.

I concluded my school time, which was super bittersweet because my principal wasn't there my last week. I had been her secretary for three years, and it was NOT easy accepting the fact that she would no longer be my "work-wife." I remind myself every day that it's only a goodbye if you make it into one, so we do a lot of "see you laters."

Meanwhile my replacement, KC, is doing a FANTASTIC job. I know I left my school in good hands, and rarely give the office a second thought because I know she's taking care of them all.

Enter vacation mode.

We had never left Charlie overnight before, and he was slated to stay with Victoria and her crew for nine days. Dropping him off the night before our flight was hard, but we got over it and by the time we had landed in Italy he was already bossing the other boys around.

We flew from SLC to Chicago, and then from Chicago to Rome. I was SO tired when we arrived. By the time we took the train and the metro, and walked from the metro to the hotel, I was beat! Yet we still had half a day to sightsee.

Sam was in charge that first day, so he had arranged tickets to the Vatican. It was so neat to see so much European history in one place. I loved the Sistine Chapel, and Saint Peter's Basilica just as much. I would have been fun to wait a day and be there when the Pope was holding Mass. Regardless, after we walked back to our hotel we were ready to eat. We found this quaint little restaurant a few blocks up from our hotel, and had authentic Italian food. At least I did, I'm pretty sure Sam ordered a hamburger.

I was in charge for day two, so we did a self-guided walking tour. We got to see the Colosseum, the Spanish Steps, the Trevi Fountain, and a bunch of other sites. Next up was Pisa, where we got to go to the Leaning Tower and eat lots of gelato. Then Cannes, France gave us the chance to explore the french riviera and participate in an international art auction. Enter Barcelona, Spain! I got the coolest little watercolors at a shop in the main square while we were on our tour of the city. Palma Majorca was in there somewhere, where we got to walk to a really cool castle. Pompeii was Sam's big adventure, it was super interesting to walk through the ruins.

Needless to say, we were so beat by the time we flew to Amsterdam before boarding our flight back to Utah. Charlie had a blast while we were gone, especially because it meant bossing around his three god-brothers for a week. We came back on a Wednesday night, giving me four days to recover from my jet-lag before I started my new job.

Retrospectively, it was nice to have such a jam-packed two-week summer break, but I sort of wished I'd had a little bit more time for myself. But I did get to go to the Backstreet Boys concert with Victoria at the start of August (which was the bomb!).

Growing into the job has been challenging. There are many days I drive home, feeling defeated, questioning my life choices, and wondering what I'm doing with my life. Although, I could attribute a lot of my self-doubt to the fact that my baby turned into a toddler seemingly overnight.

Lately, I find myself thinking a lot about having another baby. Mostly because Charlie really should have a sibling, and lately because I wonder what another combination of Sam and I would be like. Some of you might say, "Why would you consider having another baby when you are so overwhelmed with the one you already have?" But my answer to that would be that toddlers are hard. Period.

It has been suggested to me that, perhaps, I should be done having children. But I can't bring myself to that conclusion, after all, Charlie will grow up in the blink of an eye. He deserves to have a little brother or sister to have adventures with. This is NOT an announcement, nor will there be one for probably another year.

Family planning aside, I have been experiencing so much personal growth. Motherhood, professionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally.

Motherhood.

Toddler-hood is an entirely different beast from babyhood. Charlie is so independent and determined, at times I feel like he is every parent's dream. Other times, I struggle because he will suddenly decide to be super clingy and demand to be held at the most inopportune times. For example, when I'm trying to cook dinner he suddenly wants to be held. Unfortunately I just don't have enough arms to do both.

We needed to upgrade our stroller, so I found a pretty sweet jogging stroller on Facebook Marketplace for $50, and now Charlie enjoys our walks so much more. The ride is pretty nice to, and my Fitbit now registers our walks as biking for some reason ;)

In an effort to get more out of our weekends, we bought a membership to the zoo. We've gone a few times, and have plans to go twice this month. Charlie loves the animals, so it's been a good investment thus far. Additionally we are spending more time together outside to enjoy the last of the mild weather. We're also planning on buying a membership to the aquarium, so that's something to look forward to.

I'm convinced that we need to get to a harmonious place as a family before we can even consider bringing home another member. So we are laying some solid groundwork.

Professionally

I took over a position that had been occupied for 20yrs by the same person, vacated only by retirement. Big shoes to fill, intense pressure succeed, and an entirely new inter-office dynamic to try to wrap my head around. It's been four months, and I'm slowly starting to feel like I have a clue.

I keep reminding myself that it will probably takes at least 6 months to feel comfortable, so now is not the time to stress about the desk being clean or the pile of papers that still needs to be filed. It will get there. The relationships with my colleagues won't bloom overnight, I'm planting seeds and building trust.

Although, recently in doing my self-evaluation for my mandatory twice a year review, I think I've reignited my passion for my work. I have grand plans to roll out for my department in the next year, and it feels so good to be excited about going to work again.

Physically

Sam and I did the Keto challenge for most of October, and we learned so much about food, but that will be another post. I've started working out with my neighbor and really burning through kickboxing, so I'm really liking my changing physique.

Specifically regarding the growing pains, my baby is growing up so fast!

In the last six weeks Charlie upgraded to a toddler bed, stopped using a bottle, moved up to the big class at daycare, and outgrew his size 4 shoes.

Talk about growing pains!