The Dark Side

I consider myself an honest, authentic, and genuine person. I'm a kind-hearted, compassionate, and caring individual. I don't do things out of malice or wish bad things upon people.

Yet....
about 5% of my personality is dark, aka my dark side.

When I'm alone with my thoughts and writing my novels, I often need to relive the dark parts of my memory in order to deal with the situation. Unfortunately, all the negativity resurfaces and I feel things that I certainly would rather not relive.

Usually it takes a few hours for those residual feelings to evaporate from my present spectrum, but it always bothers me when they linger.

A few years back, a girl I'd befriended truly wronged me. She left deep emotional scars that I'd thought I'd gotten over. When I say deep, I mean seriously deep. This girl and her torment landed me in therapy, both one-on-one and group.

She made my life miserable because she thought she could. Her excuse was that since I had picked her to be my friend and not the other way around, she could treat me as she pleased.

I'm embarrassed to say that I was such a doormat, I let her think it was okay to treat me like crap. But one day when she told me via text message that she was going to kill herself, I was there for her. She repaid me months later by costing me my job.

I've never really thought of myself as a hateful person, but this person brings out the absolute worst in me. I feel so much hate at the sight of her, and relish the day I can confront her with a severely overdue verbal lashing of the nastiest nature.

But then I think, "Jeez, this is petty."

I'm not 20 years old anymore.

I'm Lindsey, a 24-yr-old educated, cultured, and artistic individual.

I genuinely love people solely because they make me smile.

I don't discriminate against anyone for any reason.

I have a good heart, which is how I can recognize that I am so much better than the person she makes me feel like. I don't need to prove that to anyone, especially to her.