A little Christmas miracle

People often regale you with stories of miracles happening around Christmastime, but I've often thought that it's just a happy coincidence. Don't get me wrong, happy coincidences are wonderful. But I worry that the word miracle is tossed around loosely, especially at Christmas.

On Thursday, I collided headfirst with a massive obstacle in the form of my babysitter deciding to leave us, with one days notice. I was floored, it felt so out of the blue, I really didn't know what to say. With Christmas coming so soon, I literally had four business days to find full time childcare before school started again.

I knew of a daycare across the street from my kickboxing studio, so I looked up their number and called. The night manager was super sweet and informative, but asked me to call back in the morning to see if there was any space in the toddler class. I was both hopeful and discouraged.

I called five more daycares near my work, but their waiting lists stretched from 5-7 months. The soonest I could even hope to get in anywhere would be May 2019. Discourage quickly eclipsed any hope in my heart at that point.

I perused Care.com, but very quickly realized that any of the candidates would cost me 80% of my paycheck. Oh boy. Sam and I had made a deal long ago about childcare, I would stay home if we had to pay more than 50% of my income.

I had leads for two in-home daycares recommend by friends, but I had to wait until morning for information. One was in West Jordan and the other in Riverton. Sam was discouraged because either option would add 1-2hrs to commuter time every day.

I cried angrily, and my appetite was completely gone. I think I went 24hrs without any food. I felt like a zombie because when I was finally able to doze off, the baby cried and woke me up. Needless to say, I only slept about an hour that night.

Despair.

It felt like the world was over, mostly because for the next 12 hours I was unable to actually start solving my problem. At 3am I got out of bed and tried to keep busy. I did laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, and tried to make decisions. There was a two hour block of time where I legitimately thought about quitting my job. I love my job, but the idea was tempting. Not working would mean more freedom to have another baby without waiting to be eligible for maternity leave. It certainly would be a game changer, but deep down I knew it wasn't what I really wanted.

Hope.

I showered, dressed, and walked to the daycare across from my kickboxing studio. I prayed the whole way, keeping my fingers crossed that I could get on the waiting list, and then go from there. It was 5:30am, and I waited behind another mom and her daughter who rang the bell when I got there. The director let us in, and I asked about space.

Faith.

Because my sweet little boy was an early walker, he fit the parameters to be in the toddler room, which had space available. I paid the application fee as well as tuition, and promised to bring back the signed paperwork later that day. I copied his shot record, signed the dotted line, and my little family dropped it all off before the place closed.

Love.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Anyone who deals with daycare will tell you that this is not how it happens. I especially felt the outpour of love from my friends and family who pitched in to help me find a solution. In a moment, I truly understood what it meant to exercise love for each other. Sweet relief filled my heart as I realized the new adventure my family was about to embark on in the new year.

I grew up in daycare, and my experience defined me as a child. Miss Ann, Miss Shirley, Miss Kris, and Miss Sue were all my moms.

I was so lucky.

I had all these amazing women helping me grow up. Now, I do realize that this may be the exception to the rule, but I know Charlie will have an amazing experience too. He will have opportunity to socialize, make friends, and learn that the world doesn't revolve around him.

Daycare opens up the risk for a ton of other things too, such as more exposure to sickness and head lice. But it is no different than the risks of sending him to school for kindergarten.

We are excited and irrevocably grateful.

I am so lucky!

It really is nothing short of a miracle.

Merry Christmas!

Year 29

I turned 29 recently, and it has been a flood of all the feels.

Don't get me wrong, I have no qualms with aging. But my birthday coinciding with PMS definitely made me examen my life harshly. However, since my birthday is at the end of the year when most people begin to write new years resolutions, I often feel obligated to improve myself and start over whenever my birthday approaches. For this to be the last birthday before 30, and have in be so close to my son's 1st birthday, I was kind of all over the place with my emotions.

As I'm preparing to cross that threshold between young adult and just plain adult, I'm looking back at the era that is my twenties and wondering what direction my life is heading.

At 21, I graduated college after only three years. During that time I made the Dean's List, worked with other students, lived on campus, and then ran away to Washington DC for an internship.

At 22, I started working full-time and at 23 I began taking graduate-level classes as a non-matricalued student.

At 24, life as an official graduate student began as did the courtship between me and my eventual husband.

At 25 I got married, and at 26 I published my thesis, got my Masters degree, and bought a house.

At 27 I became pregnant and birthed my son, and 28 was spent learning the ropes of motherhood.

This brings us to 29.

I often feel like I haven't done anything with my life. I feel as if I wasted my 20's because I never did anything fun. Recently, I've mused this enough to the point where I want to rectify that notion.

I like to think that if something is bothering me, I take action to make it better. So I definitely think I lucked out when I learned that the Backstreet Boys were coming to Salt Lake. I bought tickets and asked my sweet sister-in-law if she wanted to go with me. Needless to say, we are both psyched for the concert in August. Kelly Clarkson is coming to Salt Lake next month, so I bought tickets for me and my mom. Hugh Jackman announced a summer concert the week before our anniversary, so four our 4yr outing that's what we are doing.

I know they seem like small things, but I spent so much time doing the practical things instead of the activities that turn into life-long memories.

Joint Birthday Party

Today, Charlie and I had a joint birthday party to celebrate turning one and 29. The theme was Winter Wonderland, so I began a quest to use as much blue and white in my living room as possible. Guests in attendance were Grandma and Grandpa, the Larsens, the Shaws, the Littles, and the Spencers.

We served crock pot potato soup, rolls, a veggie platter, a meat and cheese platter, and chocolate cupcakes

It was a great little party. Yay for family and good friends and all the togetherness the winter holidays bring. Happy Birthday to us!

Life with Baby: 12 months!

Happy Birthday, CharlieB!!!!!!

I can't believe you are one year old, my sweet happy boy!

Charlie loves solids, and has taken a liking to baby food pouches.

He walks 95% of the time, and practically runs when he does so. He loves music and dances all the time. He is a natural yoga-doer, and is a lean mean 18lb machine. Along with hating socks, he pulls hats off of his head every chance he gets.

He absolutely loves Nana and Grandma, begging for table food, and babbling in his crib.

My beautiful boy, how has it been a year?

blink and you miss it

Dear Charlie,

As we approach your 1st birthday (yes, you are turning one this week!), I can't help but reflect on what the last 52 weeks have been like. Additionally, I've thought about the time before those 52 weeks, 39 weeks and 1 day to be exact. How could so much happen in so little time, and could it feel like I blinked and my life happened?

This morning, I heard you babbling in your crib. After a few minutes, you began calling out "Mum, mum!" I couldn't help it, I walked in to rescue you. You were standing up, sucking on the bar of your crib, with your lovey in tow. You gave me your best Charlie smile as I greeted you, because we are both at our best in the morning. We went down stairs so we wouldn't wake Daddy, and you began to toddle around. You munched on your Cheerios, wrestled with your teddy bear (who is your size), and began whining for me to hold you. When I wrapped you in the fuzzy blanket we shared, you tried to bite my face. I've been told that is your version of kisses, except I know you were intentionally biting my face off. It made me think just how much I love our mornings together.

Our mornings looked quite different over the last year. First they were spent outside in the dark and quiet streets as we walked the dog throughout my pregnancy. Later they were spent in a sleepy haze as you nursed by the faint glow of the nightlight in your nursery. Now they follow the pattern of the morning previously described.

One minute you were that 6lb 9oz little kicking machine with a tongue tie and a touch of hypospadias, and now you are about to turn 1 as a walking, almost talking, super lean kicking machine.

Your daddy and I just adore you, we especially love your full-faced Charlie smiles. Watching you become a little person has been quite the experience so far, we can't wait to see what you do next.

Mama loves you so much, my sweet beautiful boy.