seeing my baby

For weeks I've been worrying about the baby. I've had nightmares where I miscarried, worried about each and every movement I felt, and fleeting thoughts where I thought there wasn't actually a baby in there. But my ultrasound day finally came, and I was determined to power through my fears.

I asked Victoria to come with me for emotional support since Sam had to work, so we headed out to the clinic in the morning. I'd been drinking water for 2hrs in prep, so I kept needing to go to the bathroom. We waited anxiously in the waiting area until they called my name.

My technician's name was Isabel, and she was the nicest women ever. She asked me a few questions and then fired up the machine. I tried to breathe normally, since the last time my doctor tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler she couldn't, I kept trying to stay positive. I kept glancing at Victoria until the screen lit up black and white images.

There he was.

My baby boy, upside-down, feet in the air, like he was trying to stand on his head. He measured right on schedule, 11 weeks and 3 days, my little dino-boy! Isabel got a few measurements and looked at a few different things before she printed some images for me to take home.

Victoria was nice enough to record the heartbeat; Isabel told me that it was nice and strong. 

I was so overwhelmed that I cried a little.

Ever since we took the DNA test that said our baby was a boy, the bonding experience has been amazing. It was so special to know the gender when I saw the baby on the screen for the very first time. My little boy, the best parts of me and Sam, is developing beautifully and will be here in 6 months!

How it all began... Part II

In case you missed it, Baby Elmer is on the way!

I'll be honest and say that I knew I was pregnant from the start. I shared my thoughts with Sam, and while he was hopeful he wasn't quite as sure as I was.

I spent the next two weeks waiting. But my excitement turned to anxiety, and my surety began to waiver. As my period approached, I began to fear that I was delusional and the few symptoms I had I'd only imagined.

Then I didn't get my period. I'd planned to wait a few days before taking a test, but the day after I should've started, I woke up at 3:25am and just couldn't wait anymore. I peed on the stick and checked the time on my FitBit and resisted the urge to hold my breath.

At 3:30am I got my answer in the form of two pink lines. One clear and one faint, but two lines!

I was over the moon!

I immediately jumped on the bed and bounced Sam up and down before I told him he was going to be a daddy. While he did not open his eyes, a big smile spread across his face.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Great. What time is it?"

I told him it was 3:30am and then he went back to sleep.

I, on the other hand, could not, so I went downstairs to watch a movie for awhile. I texted Victoria and Alexa a pic of the test, mostly because I just couldn't wait to tell them.

After the sun came up, I told my parents. The next day we told Sam's parents.

I called the doctor and scheduled an appointment, and downloaded a pregnancy app. Needless to say, Sam and I began to feel overwhelmed, but tried to help each other by talking one another off the ledge. We made a deal that we had to take turns freaking out.

By Tuesday, I was starting to doubt myself. I had one pregnancy test left, so I decided to take it just for the heck of it. As I watched the test, it didn't even hit halfway through the three minutes before two very clear lines appeared. I exhaled, relieved that it wasn't all in my head.

From then on, lots of other symptoms made themselves known. Nausea, hit me the worst in the afternoon. Headaches, also hit in the afternoon. Fatigue, but then also the inability to sleep through the night. Finally, high emotion, that one is probably my least favorite. Everything makes me cry, so watching movies is now a huge challenge because whether it's happy/sad or just plain weird, I cry.

I've been buried in What to Expect When You're Expecting for weeks now, and there is just so much information to take in.

As I entered into my 8th week, I started to wonder about the gender of the baby. I'd had really strong impressions that it was a girl, something I wasn't afraid to admit to anyone.

I also began to wonder what my baby would look like. Would she have more of me or of Sam? In my internet research, I found that my baby has a greater chance of inheriting traits from my parents instead of us, which means she's got a greater change of being more like my mom and Lisa.

Other traits that will be taken from Sam and I are:

• Eye Color 
• Hair Color and Texture 
• Body shape 
• A great singing voice 

I dreamed she'd have brown eyes, only because my brown eyes are dominant compared to Sam's hazel, but my dad and three of my grandparents have blue eyes, so who knows?

I also dreamed she'd have Sam's hair. I've often had dreams that our first daughter would be brunette with straight hair, while the only son I've dreamt about has curly blonde hair like me.

With any luck they'll have my singing voice AND Sam's wicked piano skills. Maybe we could even have a family band some day.

Anyway, we took the SneakPeak Gender Reveal blood test shortly after my first prenatal appointment   at 10 weeks and got the the results a few days later.

The results were emailed to me when I was at work, and it took all of my strength to not read the email. Sam was insistent that we open it together, so I let Scoshi read it and mark it as unread. Knowing that she knew made me feel less anxious and helped me make it to the end of the day when Sam finally got home.

We pulled up the email and saw this:

"We're having a boy!?" I said slowly.

I looked at Sam, and we were both stunned.

We had been so sure it was a girl, and finding out we had been wrong was so surreal. Not gonna lie though, seeing this caused a wave of relief to wash over me. We had been talking about boy names recently, just because we only had one in mind. My original choice had been Leo, but lately I'd been leaning toward the name Charlie.

Suddenly Sam declared that he was going to have a son and had such a big smile on his face. He began raving about taking our son to Priesthood session and pinewood derby, and it dawned on me that having a boy was exactly what we needed.

I called my parents, we called the Elmers (Bob, Lisa, Jake, and Alexa), and then I called Victoria. We chatted for a few minutes, and she pointed out that she could feel all the anxiety I was feeling at the idea of having a girl. I had no idea it was making me to anxious.

I had no idea I'd put so much pressure on my baby to be a girl. I was happy, don't get me wrong. But I just hadn't taken the time to think about a boy because I had been so sure about a girl. I started to think about shopping for boy clothes, and all the other cliched "boy things" that were now part of my future.

This doesn't mean I wouldn't have planned on exposing my daughter to the same things, but I'm not very girly, and I don't have the same pressure to teach girlyness to my baby.

The idea that I get to raise my own little Prince Charming is actually quite heartwarming. I keep thinking about how much fun I had with Max when he was a baby.

Me and him were, and remain to this day, very close. We have a very special relationship and I love him so very much. I think if I can do all right with him, I'll be okay to do it a second time.

I'm going to have a son! He will grow up with Alexa's son (due August) and Kait's son (due September), and be best friends with Adam's 2nd baby boy due next month (and of course all of Victoria's boys). My little guy is going to have so many friends!!!

Currently we are leaning toward the name Charlie B Elmer, but we will see what happens!

I get a son for my birthday!!!

How it all began...

...is still one of my favorite stories.

I remember the day I realized that Sam was special. It was something in his smile that just made me feel happy whenever I was around him. We were at church on a Sunday in October 2014. He sweetly smiled as we snapped our first selfie, and we went out on our first date a few weeks later.

The day I became his girlfriend was January 21, 2015. We were going down to BYU for the Divine Comedy Alumni Show (only so we could see the cast of Studio C), and he said that his roommates were asking about his girlfriend. "Oh, so am I your girlfriend?" "I'm not opposed to it."

Our friendly relationship continued to blossom, and he proposed to me on April 25th, 2015. We were at the opera, and my phone died shortly after I posted our engagement selfie to Facebook. Good thing too, because my phone was flooded with texts the next time I turned it on.

 I married my sweetheart on July 18, 2015 in the Bountiful Temple in front of a plethora of family and friends, and fondly look back on the photos of that amazing day. The details blur together every now and then, but the feelings are pretty memorable.

Sam was my rock as I worked a job I didn't particularly care for so I could finish my Master's degree, and then gave me routine pep talks as I spent six weeks interviewing for different jobs. After a fun family vacation with his side of the family and starting a new job that freed up my summer time, I began house-hunting so we could get out of our apartment.

We found our castle... 

...and adopted a Princess!

Now, as we approach our second anniversary this summer, we realized that there is only one thing that could make our fairytale even better.

Coming December 2017!

I think I'm really good at...

...giving people pep talks when they are feeling low.

Ironically, this is something I wish I could do for myself. I've been pretty down lately, mostly because I've felt under the weather for about a week.

Regardless, I'm really good at giving pep talks; I think it's because I'm really good at pointing out all the positive elements in any given situation in which I am not at the center.

I actually shared this with A (my Little Sister from BBBS) last night at the end-of-year social. I can tell someone's goodness and know for an absolute fact that they are capable of doing amazing things.

So I guess you can say bringing people up is something I am really good at, especially because what I have to say is always sincere.

It can be challenging when I myself and feeling low, mostly because I tend to get more irrupted than usual and angrily point out someones strength and unintentionally compare us to prove that I am less than. But I think I've gotten good at reminding myself that when I give these talks, it is about them and not me.

I myself have needed several pep talks lately, and lucky for me Sam always pulls through with what I need. Mostly he sends me late night texts that I get in the morning when I turn my phone back on. I definitely got a good one, I can't believe we've been together for over two years!

So, what is something you think you are good? What is a hidden talent you think makes you special?

Taking Family Pictures

We had the opportunity for Mere to take some family pics of us, and we really wanted to have some nice photos of us with our sweet puppy. So we met up at Oquirrh Lake for an impromptu photo shoot.

As usual, Mere did a stellar job. We got a few really great pics that capture this little pup's personality pretty well, and some nice shots of the three of us.