Today is Tuesday. I have class tonight. I will spend 12.5 hours in the same building on campus. I do not have a break in between work and class. I have also set aside a study block during my lunch hour. And if I have time, I need to weight train at the gym.
I usually wait until the last minute in the morning to pack my backpack, for fear that I will forget something or forget to unpack something I don't need. Sometimes I forget that the more I put inside my bag, the heavier it gets.
Stuff I absolutely needed for today:
Class notes binder
Book for today's class
Reading notes notebook
Lunchbox
Purse
Water bottle
Sweatshirt
Stuff I wanted to bring as well:
Two books for my other class (so I could study during lunch)
Clean gym clothes (so I could swap out the dirty ones I'd forgotten to bring home on Friday)
My journal (so I could vent my emotional frustrations)
As most of you could guess, there's only so much space in a bag. I loaded my little pink backpack up, and I felt so accomplished when I was finally able to zip it shut. However, as I slung the straps over my shoulders, I immediately felt the full weight of everything I was carrying.
I began walking to work, and noticed that all that extra weight was slowing me down just a bit. As I neared the halfway mark between home and work, it dawned on me that I probably didn't NEED everything I'd packed. I was CHOOSING to carry around things that I might need.
In many ways, my physical backpack is an accurate representation of my emotional baggage. I choose to carry around things that I don't necessarily, but do just in case. I guess a bad habit that one could get into is simply stuffing it to maximum capacity and swapping things out with new stuff as it becomes necessary.
But honestly, carrying around a massively heavy load by choice doesn't seem like the best idea. While the physical backpack may have its benefits, such as leaner leg muscles or a stronger back, I don't think emotional weight has quite the same effect.
Holding onto those things doesn't remove the weight from your back, it just buys you some time until you have to pull it out and decide what to do with it.
What's in my emotional backpack, you ask?
For the longest time I carried around anger, hate, and resentment. My lack of understanding and closure for certain situations weighed my down as I "walked to work." I decided to stop. I acknowledged all of my feelings, rationalized, prioritized, and made a decision. I did not want to carry it anymore.
A caveat to this mindset is that there are some things you cannot really let go of. For example, I tried to employ this mentality as I dealt with my grandmother's death. After almost three years, I've come to understand that this is something I want to keep with me. My grief does not symbolize my inability to deal or move on, it serves as a reminder of my struggle and growth. I won't lie and say I don't feel a twinge of heartache every time I see her picture or remember one of our good times. But I think that when we realize that those experiences make us better people, they no longer weigh us down.
I think my bag was overflowing at one point, and I decided to purge. My desire was to be a better person, and sorting through my emotions helped me understand myself. I knew why things had hurt me, I knew it was a lesson that I needed to learn, and after awhile I understood the purpose of the lesson when I was faced with a new challenge.
So, some questions for you, my devoted audience:
What's in your backpack?
Do you really need it?
Does carrying it around help you become the person you want to be?
I encourage everyone to ponder this idea.
Life is too short to be weighed down.
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