Big Decisions

I haven't really had to make hard choices in my life.

Big choices, for sure!

But not necessarily hard choices.

Let me back up for a minute. As the school year came to a close, I knew I was ready for a change. I had some job opportunities come up, and two offers followed thereafter. One was the logical next step for me in higher education, the other was the same step up, but in public education.

It was my moment of truth.

I'd spent the last two years learning about how to be a community leader and writing a massive thesis about the importance of well-rounded, quality public education. I'd also spent the last two years "paying my dues" by performing grunt work tasks in higher education. To an unbiased third party, it would seem as if there were no bad choices.

True.

But while there were no bad choices, I needed to make the best choice for me. The higher ed position was a dream job for the old me. The old me, who was single and super ambitious, was chomping at the bit to prove that I could succeed in this arena.

Present me is more complicated. Present me is married, joyous about eventual motherhood, and aware of the kinds of sacrifices for each option.

This decision was one of biggest and most challenging things I've ever encountered.

I thought about finances, fulfillment, and my well-being.

I thought about which of these options would fit in best with my family plans.

I thought about what other people might think if I chose the side-step opportunity instead of the step-up. I also considered the kinds of judgments I knew a choice like this would warrant from various people within my support system.

I talked to my mentors.

I talked to my parents (both sets).

I prayed.

I cried (although we are chalking this up to it being a highly emotional in general).

I thought about what my Bubby would say if she were still alive. In case you were wondering, if she were alive, she'd say "go where you'll make the most impact."

I knew where I needed to go. I knew that leaving higher education would sustain my goals in the long run. I knew that there would be room to grow, opportunities to shine, chances to serve a community that truly needed me.

Fulfillment was a huge part of my choice. I've felt like I've been running on a hamster wheel for awhile now, and I'm starting to feel burnt out. I've spent the last year worrying about many different things, and while I know new worries will come with this change, I'm happy to let go of some of that anxiety.

I guess what I'm getting at in this post is that I spent way too much time worrying about what people would think if I made the switch from one arena to another. Would people think I was taking the easy way out? Did this mean that I was admitting I couldn't handle higher education or that it defeated me? Was I selling myself short? Was I simply settling?

The answer is simple. I'm empowering myself because I am making the right choice for me and my family. I will remind myself every day that what I have to say and how I feel is more important that what other people might think of my choice.

Taking this position in public education will be an ideal environment for me, additionally, the schedule works better for me as an individual. My day will start earlier, which means it will end earlier. To me, that equates to more daylight to run errands and to do my personal enrichment hobbies (like painting, writing, Zumba, and more time to cook).

More details to come.