remember when...

I don't know what's up with me lately. I'm feeling very nostalgic, circumstantially depressed at times, emotionally overwhelmed, head-over-heels in love, ridiculously sad some nights, and even a little stuck in my life.

Life is complicated, but hasn't it always been though?

Like when I was an undergrad living on-campus in 2010-2011. I had the best roommate in the world, friends I saw every day, Glee Season Two was airing, my best friend lived within walking distance, the kids were toddlers, and it felt like life had endless possibilities.

My daily tasks were to get ready for the day without waking Natalie, go to class, go to work, do my homework, attempt a trip to the grocery store, watch Glee with Janean, and spend time with Romney. Bubby was still alive and called me every few days to check in. The kids were 2 and 4yrs old, and our babysitting nights consisted of long walks around Sugarhouse, movie night, story time, and bedtime snuggles. Max firmly believed that I wasn't allowed to get married without his permission, and Kate was adamant that she didn't need to be my friend. I was about to be 21, and I supposedly had the world at my feet.

I remember worrying about life after college; would I find a job, would I end up back at my parents' house, would I ever find someone to have a romantic relationship with, would I ever go back to church, and why did the world feel so full of people but still so lonely?

Now, at 25, I realize that my daily tasks aren't much different. I work full-time during the day, attend grad school classes in the evening, do my homework, watch Studio C clips when I need a pick-me-up, and spend most of my free time with Sam. Bubby is gone, so I call my mom to check in, sometimes Tyler, and even Ian if I miss him. The kids are now 6 and 8yrs old, and are more interested in watching TV than playing a game or doing a puzzle with their cos-sister (aka their cousin who is like their sister). Supposedly, I still have the world at my feet, and now I am supposed to decide what to do with my life.

I remember when Sam and I went on our first date last November. I never would have guessed that we would get engaged 6 1/2 months later. I never would have thought that I'd be getting my MRS before my MA. I never thought I'd be designing my capstone project during the week and planning my wedding on my lunch break.

There isn't a whole lot left to wonder about; except for my babies :) and how I'm going to leave my mark on the world.

So, regardless of the nostalgia, depressive bouts, overwhelming feelings of love, and emotions, I remember when I looked to the future as if it were a checklist of things that needed to be done. But it isn't really a checklist, it's an endless account of my adventures to come. It isn't what I have to do, it's everything I can't wait to do, things to learn, places to go, experiences to have, etc.

Remember when things were simple? Not me!