Perspective

I always debate how personal I want to be whenever I post, part of it's the "do I really want to put this on the internet?" and the other part is privacy for those who are part of the story. This one is pretty particular, so I'll do my best to tell the story while still respecting their privacy.

I've had a handful of romantic relationships in my life, and the fact that I'm getting married shows me that I've learned enough and am ready to make this commitment. Still, I doubt myself a lot by ways of questioning my moves at least three times (before, during, and after) because I want to be sure.

Anyway, I was packing up my room on Friday night when I received a phone call. Victoria and Chris were coming bright and early the next day to help move my stuff into my and Sam's new apartment, and I was just about ready. I put on my jammies, brushed out my hair, and settled into my bed to watch a wedding-themed chick flick. Just as I exhaled a sigh of relief that the week was finally over, my phone started ringing.

It was 10:38pm.

The number didn't have a name attached.

I answered it, and the minute I did, I knew exactly who it was.

It was one of my ex-boyfriends.

He heard I got engaged, and he wanted to congratulate me. My heart softened, a nice change from the anxious panic attacks that usually follow an interaction with him.

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

He continued. He'd literally just walked out of a movie where the protagonist reminded him of himself, highlighting the ugliness of his behaviors. He told me that he was sorry for how he ended things, and that I deserved better than that.

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

I wish I could say that the exchange ended there. I'm sure it isn't easy to admit an error in your ways to someone, regardless of how close you were.

For 45 minutes, the conversation kept circling back to all the reasons why he broke up with me. I was still an unappealing person, despite making a good first impression. He learned a lot from his time with me, for example: don't rush into a relationship, don't prolong it if it doesn't feel right, etc.

My heart sank. Sure, he learned from me, but none of it was positive. Even though my heart had been shattered, I still managed to find remnants of positive in the mess he caused.

Basically, by the time he finally let me hang up, I felt like crap. I realized that the phone call was completely pointless, and all it did was stir up those feelings of anger. I don't appreciate being devalued in any sense, and I certainly don't appreciate someone going out of their way to do it again (weeks, months, or years afterward) just to make themselves feel better.

I was so frustrated.

I knelt on the floor to pray, and begged the Lord to help me find the strength and compassion to move past this. I didn't want to be chained to this anymore; I cried, my poor little heart just couldn't deal with this again. All I wanted to do was call Sam and tell him what had just happened. I reached for the phone, but my hand froze in mid-air.

Sam.

He was the only opinion that really mattered now. He isn't cruel with me. He isn't anything like this other guy. He is beyond special, and of amazing value, especially to me.

Sam.

The One. He who asked me to be his wife because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He who wants to have a family with me. Me. I'm special to him.

In that moment, I knew that no past relationship compared to the one I was in. That he is the one I'm going to spend forever with. I felt a wave of comfort wash over me, and was hit with just how much love and trust I've put in this man. I've got him, and that's all I wanted.

He's the One.