Sacrifice

I've heard the word sacrifice before, but mostly in religious context. We sacrifice vices and pass on certain choices in the hope that we will be blessed.

I've also heard sacrifice in relationships. Some things are not worth fighting about, and some people are worth fighting for.

I never quite understood sacrifice for education until this last week.

I spent most of Conference weekend painting, something I haven't really done since Christmas. Yesterday I drove down to Provo after work for Sophie's bridal shower, listening to my iPod and singing along the whole round trip. Also Kait, Kelsey, and Carmie were there, so we got to visit for a little awhile.

On my way back to the city, I was in a fantastic mood. I hadn't felt this fantastic in awhile, and it perplexed me.

What was different?

All I could think of was how even though there are three more weeks left in the semester and my graduate program, I'd completed almost everything that was due. I submitted Truman's final draft yesterday, finished my thesis defense presentation, added photos to my thesis poster, finished my MBA final project and made my matching presentation (I also had my MBA prof double check my work just to be on the safe side).

I've said before that organization is my super-power, but I even surprised myself with this level of preparation.

Anyway, I realized that I'd been neglecting myself most of the school year. Yes, I've woke up at 6am everyday since mid-November to workout for 30 min, but that's a different kind of me-time. After work, my free time belongs to Sam.

I don't regret how I've done things (after all, the past is in the past), but I've come to realize the sacrifices I've made on behalf of my school. I've sacrificed my creative enrichment (painting and writing), and my social life. I thought for sure that as long as my husband got enough attention and I took care of my body, that everything would be all right.

I had no idea that I was sacrificing myself for myself.

I guess this is the point in time where I'm supposed to say it was all worth it. That I made it through one of the most challenging times in my life and was a success. Unfortunately I can't say that until I've delivered my MBA presentation, defended my thesis and portfolio, taken my MBA final, and finished my poster session. Even then, nothing is complete until grades go in.

I will say that I'm ready to make my well-being a priority again. I'm ready to go back to Zumba class, paint more, work on my novel, visit my friends, have dinner with my husband, and go back to the temple.

I'm still trying to convince myself that it has been worth it, but I don't think I can yet. The fruits of my labor have not bloomed quite yet, so imagine how I feel knowing that the work is virtually finished but I have yet to reap the benefits.

That my friend, is sacrifice.