She lives in me

I had a rough week this week. 

I'm talking sobbing myself to sleep at night for days rough week, and I finally came to the realization yesterday that I just wasn't happy. Work was kicking my butt, and I was having trouble picking myself up off of the floor. My workouts were suffering, as was my healthy eating, and I felt like my light was dimming.

Not cool.

Not cool at all.

I really needed a good recharge, and lucky for me it was conference weekend, so I would have multiple opportunities to do just that as I watched the sessions with my sweet husband.

Anyway, during the AM session, Elder Hallstorm was speaking, and my ears perked up as he said:

Without meaning to, I'd forgotten who I am, and it all came to a head this week. I suddenly knew that I wasn't acting like myself, nor was I in touch with my roots. I come from a family of powerful matriarchs, and I need to start acting like one.

My grandmother was Rachelle Satz Dunn. She was a opinionated, loud-mouthed woman who did what she wanted, when she wanted, but cared deeply for those around her. People saw her one of two ways, she was either their best friend or their worst nightmare. But she was fiercely loyal and strongly believed in doing what was right. The world was a better place because of her.

This was my grandmother.

Illness took her from this world in November 2011.

Words cannot describe the feeling of great injustice that I felt for months after that, and still do sometimes. I relied on her strength to help me through rough times when I was in college, and have had to do that on my own in grad school.

While I try to emulate her strength, I'm also trying to learn more about her and the family that she came from.

This is her mother, Adelia Freidman (also known as Adele Satz). It's strange for me to look at this image, because I see where Ian gets some of his facial expressions from.

Here is Adele when she was younger, I'm not sure how old she was, but I can see glimmers of myself in her face, which kind of blows my mind a little bit. I can also see glimmers of my Bubby as well.

Adele had four brothers, she was the 4th child.

This is Rachelle when she was younger. This too is strange for me too look at because I see Tyler in her eyes.

Rachelle had three brothers, she was the 4th child.

This is my mother.

She has two brothers and is the 2nd child.

This is me.

I have two brothers and am the 1st child.

You know, that's the one thing we all have in common. None of us had sisters, but we each had brothers. Maybe one day I'll continue the tradition of having my own daughter.

Regardless, these are my roots, and it's time for me to start acting like the matriarch I was born to be. It's time to stop letting other people tell me who I am, and start acting like who I know I am so I can transform into the woman I know I can become.