It's an adjustment

I knew motherhood would be unlike anything I'd ever expected.

It's an adventure I wasn't sure I would ever be up to having. It was always this far-off idea that was likely to happen, but I never really knew under what circumstances. Obviously I knew I would be married and 'ready' to start a family, but that's about it.

Before Sam and I were dating, I started having dreams about my future children. In my dreams, I had two daughters and a son. Their names were Adaline, Josephine, and Leo.

When I found out I was pregnant, I dreamt of the firstborn daughter my dream had predicted.

When I found out I was having a boy, that dream disappeared. Instead, I keep thinking that I will have another boy in a few years when I'm ready for my next pregnancy. It gave me the opportunity to have a new kind of dream, where Charlie is a big brother and we complete our family.

Sometimes this new dream is a bit of a nightmare. Honestly it depends on the day, but even on a hard day it could always be so much worse.

Things are starting to feel like they are getting better for me, but it's still an adjustment. Structure is finally taking shape in our new dynamic. Even on Friday, I was ready for the day by 9am (huge accomplishment).

I was dressed in clean clothes, my teeth brushed, I had a healthy breakfast, dinner was in the crockpot, Charlie's laundry just finished in the dryer, and we had plans to visit family and friends later that afternoon.

It's a lot of work to take the baby out. I have to change his diaper, which sometimes means an outfit change, and he needs to nurse, which takes anywhere from 15-30 minutes. I've grown wise to always having the diaper bag prepped, and choosing his next outfit before I change his diaper.

Motherhood is an adjustment.

My son is so time-consuming. I vaguely remember what life was like before he was born.

Even a day like today. Our church start time moved from 11am to 9am, and we arrived midway through the opening hymn. Sam was still tying his tie when we sat down on an empty pew, that's how rushed we were when we arrived.

But we made it, and that's what matters.

If my son could talk, he'd probably say he's adjusting to me too.

It's an adjustment, and we get more adjusted each day.