#My500Words Challenge: Day 21

The Challenge

Write a confession

The 500 Words

When I think of the word confession, I picture myself locked in the questioning room on Bones while Booth and Sweets do their whole “good cop, bad cop” routine until I finally crack under pressure and reveal exactly how I killed the victim. I don’t think of myself sitting at a computer and opening up to the blog-o-sphere about the haunts of my inner soul. My confession could be trivial and materialistic; it could be completely stupid and unoriginal, and be reduced down to an embarrassing guilty pleasure.

But I like to think I’m a bit classier than that way of thinking, so we’ll go with vulnerability.

So, my confession: I secretly wish I could be a stay-at-home mom.

I realize that this goes against everything I talk about, but we’re back to being vulnerable and honest about how I really feel. I wish I could have a bunch of kids so that I could stay home with them and be the best mother I possibly can be. Of course, they’d get older, and I would take on jobs that supplement my time with them, but they would be my first priority, not my career.

How’s that for a strong shot of honesty?

Did I surprise anyone?

I’ve never actually admitted this to anyone, so what could be bad about announcing it for the first time online to all my followers (all seven of you!)?

Anyway, it is a confession because I feel like I can’t tell people that this particular dream is one I hold ridiculously close to my heart. It bothers me that I can’t be completely honest about my feelings on that matter, and I have to say that I put up a pretty convincing front when it comes to discussing it with others. What am I supposed to do? Is it possible to be convinced that you are going to change the world, all the while hoping that you can have the opportunity to devote your life to your kids?

I’ve always been under the impression that you really can’t have it all. The older I get, the more I realize just how much truth is behind that conception. What if I can’t have everything that I want? Better yet, what I never even have the chance to be a mom? There are so many factors that will affect whether or not this dream will ever be a remote possibility, and frankly I don’t want to spend my days wondering whether or not it will ever come true.

So there you have it; vulnerability, sheer Honesty, and an unexpected confession the mind of Lindsey. Seriously, I’m curious as to what people initially hoped for when they read that today’s challenge was to write a confession. I know many of you hoped that I would surrender the secrets of the universe, and I’m so sorry to disappoint you. But this was a secret from my universe, and it’s knowledge holds more value than anything else I’d say.